Full Moon in Taurus Reflections

Sadness. Like a letting go. Nostalgia. My heart aches. I don't want to push this away, I want to feel it.

I'm standing in the doorway. I can see the beautiful scenery outside, the nourishing community, the creative expression, the pleasures that await me. And my heart is still holding to what's behind, what I'm stepping out from. I feel a two-way pull. Betwixt.

The momentary nostalgia and sadness. There is also a sensuality. Earth bound presence.

I don't mind leaving my old life at all. In fact, I want to! I’m excited to! It’s what I’ve been manifesting! It’s just the feeling of nostalgia.

This is the place between death and rebirth.

This is the space between solitude and union. It is the want for both.

This is the space between independence and collaboration. And the want for both.

Each provide a kind of floating device that I reach for when feeling lost in the middle of the ocean!

There is a kind of weight. All the sensual pleasure of being Earth bound but the weight of commitment and the burden that brings with it.

I just want to cry and be held in the naked arms of a beloved. The sensual touch, and awareness of time being illusory. The feeling of mourning the death of a loved one.

I feel a genuine awareness of sensual beauty, like I want to put my lips on someone. It feels like a hot bath in a big Japanese style wooden kamaburo, outside under the stars. It’s romance! It’s the serenity of gazing at the boats moored at Neyland Marina under the moonlight tonight, and the memory of the gentle clang, clang, clang sound of the masts when I lived on a boat in Marina del Rey, those years ago.

It's the awareness that the ability to experience the full depth of sensuality and love comes as the result of being able to feel everything, including all the darkness, all the sadness, all the pain, confusion, worry, doubt as well as joy. A quiet joy. A joy that comes from knowing pain. Not a naive, childlike joy but genuine happiness forged in the dark depths of a life well lived.

I want to have that naked, sensual, cuddle and kiss – not to hold, not to possess, not to cling but to remember. Just for a moment, a union and then a return to stillness.