Manipulation to feel safe

This is an excerpt from a conversation I had a few months ago, when I caught myself attempting to control the uncomfortable space I was experiencing though this person's reflection.

A similar pattern emerged in conversation again recently where I attempted to quickly "knee cap" the other by giving unsolicited advice. "That's your ego," I said.

Why? Why did I feel the impulse to strike?

Because I felt overpowered.

But what was overpowering and what was actually being overpowered?

Ah, it was my OWN EGO! My own desire to be seen, understood, held in my vulnerability. I wanted validation, safety.

But it was all an illusion, and I was the creator. The creator of my own UNsafety, my own invisibility, my own invalidity. I could sense this in the moment, but didn't fully understand my deeper perceived "needs" until I reflected on it later.

I then asked myself, what would that experience have felt like had I stepped out of the way of the natural flow of the love that was buzzing within me? The sense of deep forgiveness, deep appreciation, deep gratitude and supreme love?

It would have felt like breath, like a pause. It would have been silence and acceptance.

Nothing was overpowering or being overpowered apart from my own attempt to hold onto an identity or goal.

Upon recognising this pattern, huge amounts of love flooded my being, followed by forgiveness, devotion to the path and immense gratitude for the warrior!

This is the kind of wisdom that is possible when one allows barriers to fall, the illusion of separation to dissolve and true union (of masculine and feminine, or Khandro and Pawo, Dancer and Warrior) to be experienced within, without, above, below...you know that mantra.